the art of being unbothered

Puberty isn’t maturity.

And truthfully, for some, maturity doesn’t just come the moment we graduate from school either. Growing older is one thing, but growing wiser takes effort, patience, and self-awareness.

The Prophet ﷺ once said:

A sign of a man’s good observance of Islam is to keep away from that which does not concern him.
[Status: Hasan | Hadith 12, An-Nawawi]

I find this so beautiful because it’s simple, yet so practical. Sometimes the greatest peace we can give ourselves is to just step away from things that don’t really involve us.

Studying revealed knowledge makes me realised how much it has shaped the way I think. One of the discipline of study we learned is Jarh wa Ta‘dil—a science that looks deeply into the narrators of hadith. Were they honest? Careful? Trustworthy? Or were they known to make mistakes? Is the chain of narrators connected to the original source throughout the time? Scholars would weigh every detail before accepting a narration.

And it made me think: if they were so careful about whose words to accept, shouldn’t we also be careful with the words we choose to say and the ones we choose to pass on?

Over time, I noticed something about the most “unbothered” people I’ve met. They look happy and content. They’re not careless, and they’re not detached. They just spend their energy on what truly matters, and that’s what keeps them at peace.

Hearsay or gossip doesn't necessarily involve wealth or bloodshed, but here’s where it gets scary. The Prophet ﷺ warned us:

The bankrupt of my Ummah is the one who will come on the Day of Judgment with prayer, fasting, and zakah, BUT he comes having insulted this one, slandered that one, unlawfully consumed the wealth of this one, shed the blood of that one, and beaten this one. So they will each be given from his good deeds. And if his good deeds run out before justice is fulfilled, their sins will be taken and placed upon him, then he will be thrown into the Fire.
[Status: Hasan Sahih | Jami` at-Tirmidhi 2418]

Imagine spending years praying, fasting, giving zakah, yet losing it all because of the pain we caused others with our tongue. Deliberately.

I’m not perfect. None of us are. Words slip and sometimes, because of wrong choice of word, they hurt without us even intending to. If I’ve ever done that to you, please forgive me.

And if anyone has ever spoken about me behind my back in a way I wouldn’t like, that’s forgiven too. We should try fixing our habit and promise not to do it again. Personally, I’d rather people come to me directly and point out my mistake. I appreciate honest confrontation because at least then I know where I can improve.