Throughout life, I’ve often felt like I had everything under control. Or at least, that’s how I remember it (lucky me). Even on days when I wasn’t at my best, I believed things would get better, if only I tried a little harder. On days like those, independence felt amazing. It was this quiet confidence that if I want something, I could.
But then... there are other days.
The kind of days where I wake up already feeling defeated. The room is quiet, but my thoughts are loud and tangled. Nothing seems to be going “according to plan.” On days like these, independence doesn’t feel empowering at all. It feels lonely. Like I’ve been left behind in a world that’s spinning faster than I can keep up.
But this defeat gave me space to remember something important:
I was never meant to do life all on my own.
As much as we glorify independence and the “I’ve got this” mindset, life actually feels gentler when we stop trying to carry it all ourselves. When we let ourselves lean. On people. On love. And ultimately, on God.
Some of my most peaceful moments didn’t come from conquering anything, but from surrendering it. It's comforting to just cry in du‘a rather than figuring out what happens next. And it's okay to admit that I don’t have the answers. Because I was never supposed to.
Some things shift when I stop seeing dependence as weakness and start seeing it as trust.
Trust that I’m being held. That I’m being guided. That Ar-Rahman, the One who knows my heart better than I do, has already written something far better than what I keep trying to force.
There’s a quiet beauty in that. In depending. Not out of helplessness, but out of love and faith. Out of finally understanding that strength isn’t about doing it all alone. It’s about knowing Who to turn to when you can’t.
And honestly life really does feel better that way.
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